Jokes

[Matt]

Post any and all Jokes you may have!

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How to Cook a Turkey...
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out!
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I was crying after reading that.

[†Army_Man†]

;D rofl thats just hilarious, i will post some jokes tommorow lol.

[hoodedh2005]

A little boy walks in to a pub where a drunk man and a police man happen to be fighting, the drunk man calls the police man a wanker and the little boy asks whats a wanker and the drunk man says to the boy its anouther name for a police man.... so the little boy goes home and as he walks in his mum is cutting the chicken and he hears his mum go f**k! beacause she cut herself. He asks her whats it mean she replied with its anouther word for cutting a chicken. He goes oh ok and went up to his room as he was walking past the bathroom and hes dad was having a shave, then he heard his dad say oh Bolox and the little boy asks him what it means he said its anouther word for face, the boy goes downstairs and watches tellevision, The door bell rang the boy anwnsered it and it happened to be the police man from the pub and the little boy said hello bastard my mums f**king the chicken and my dads shaving his bolox


only 1 i could think of

[Matt]

Lol, you screwed it up, but nice.

and whats a bolox?

[hoodedh2005]

a willy lol

[Matt]

hoodedh2005 said:

a willy lol

Oh, Ive never heard that one before.. and You switched Wanker, with bastard in the joke.

[bullseye]

alright ill give it a shot

Side Note: I am NOT a racist, just happens to be a racist joke.

Ok, so theres a Russian, Israli, American, and a Mexican.
They all have to give up one thing from their country to pass a bridge.

The Russian gives up a nuclear Missle and says "We got plenty of those in our country"

The Israli gives up a Holy Bible and says "We got plenty of those in our country"

The Mexican gives away a taco and says "We got plenty of those in our country"

Now only the American, he thinks for a second......
He picks up the Mexican and throws him into the water and says "We got plenty of those in our country"

[hoodedh2005]

i have heard that one before bull....but in england its the english man chuking out the paki saying with have loads of them in our country.

matt i wrote it late at night when i was tired so i probaly got loads wrong lol

[Scorpionz]

this ones ok

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

[Exe]

scorpionz said:

this ones ok

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

ROFL. I like that lol. Exalt.

[Scorpionz]

This Is One Of My Favorites

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

[Matt]

scorpionz said:

This Is One Of My Favorites

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

ROFLMFAO

[bullseye]

matt345 said:

scorpionz said:

This Is One Of My Favorites

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

ROFLMFAO

OMG ROFLMFAO

can someone PLZ STICKY THIS!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Matt]

I have it under good authority that some dawg heres been getting P|ussy.
Now whoever it is, I suggest you fess up, because we cought you on camera!

[Scorpionz]

^^lol thats good