Jokes

[pinkie]

These are all the good ones I know:


Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side

Q: Knock knock
A: Who's there?
Q: Banana
A: Banana who?
Q: Knock knock
A: Who's there?
Q: Banana
A: Banana who?
Q: Knock knock
A: Who's there?
Q: Banana
A: Banana who?
Q: Knock knock
A: WHO'S THERE?
Q: Orange
A: Orange who?
Q: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Q: What has 6 wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck

Q: What has 4 legs and ticks?
A: A dog

Q: What's black and white and read all over?
A: Newspaper

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A penguin with a sunburn

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: Two nuns in a chainsaw fight

Q: Why is six afraid of seven?
A: Because 7 8 9.

Q: What do you call a white guy pushing a shopping cart up a hill?
A: White power
Q: What do you call two black guys pushing a shopping cart up a hill?
A: Black power
Q: What do you call four Mexicans pushing a shopping cart up a hill?
A: Grand theft auto

Q: Is it just me or does it smell like updawg in here?
A: What's up dawg?
Q: Not much, what's up with you?

Q: Why don't women need drivers licenses?
A: Because there's no road from the kitchen to the bedroom

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told her twice

Q: What do penguins use for napkins?
A: Flapkins

Q: What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
A: You look a little flushed

Don't steal my best material though guys.

[Scorpionz]

I change my mind ^THAT^ is Funny : Beacause they r so old

(sorry Matt )

[Matt]

I heard most of those before, their aincient. but I like that, "why dont women need a driver lisence?" one

[Scorpionz]

heres a poem.....i dont think this one is good but.....wat the hell here it is

The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just she and I
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow.....

[Matt]

rofl

[serpant]

rofl..omg. thats classic dude

[†Army_Man†]

lol thats hilarious, and i will post some tommorow, i'm as good with jokes as i am finding pics of girls so prepare to laugh real hard

[Scorpionz]

ok after my first day of skool.....sucks.....i know.....heres another

A young lady got into a terrible car accident. Her face was burned terribly. The doctors couldn't use any skin on her body to graft onto her face for reconstructive surgery. As a result, her husband offered the skin off his butt for the surgery. She had the surgery and was as beautiful after as she was before the surgery.

One night she and her husband were watching TV when she broke down crying. "What's the matter?" her husband asked.

She said "I can't believe you did this for me."

Her husband hugged her and replied, "Don't worry about it, I love you, and I'd do anything for you."

But how will I ever repay you?" she asked.

With which he replied, "You don't need to repay me, you wouldn't believe the satisfaction I get every time I see your mom kiss you on the cheek."

[serpant]

rofl!!! hahaha brill dude exalt cummin ur way

[Scorpionz]

*cough* someone else post jokes *cough*

[†Army_Man†]

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

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John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asks, how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hands were raised. After John polled his group several more times he noticed one guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. John noticed that the guy never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex. The guy said, “Once a year!” To John's dismay, he responds, “Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year?” The grinning guy responds, "Tonight’s the night

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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the [F BOMB ALERT] is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."

there ya go

[serpant]

Rofl!!!! dude those are awsome .. keep em comeing guys! army u get an exalt for your effort and for makin me piss my self laughing .

[Livre]

That last one was hilarious ;D

Heres mine:


A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternoon. Unfortunately the builder wasn't very good at the game and every time he missed a shot would shout 'Shit, missed'.

The game went on and after several outbursts from the builder; the priest could hold his tongue no longer. "Don't swear like that" he told his friend, "or God will punish you". The builder apologized and the game continued.

As soon as he missed another shot the builder shouted "Shit, missed." and continued to do this every time he missed a shot for the next three holes. The priest was starting to get really angry by now and said "I must insist that you stop swearing this instant, otherwise God will hear you and punish you!"

Once again, his pleas made no difference as the builder missed an easy putt on the seventeenth green and shouted out "Shit, missed". Immediately the heavens parted and a bolt of lightning flew from the sky, hitting the priest and killing him stone dead.

Suddenly, a booming voice was heard in the clouds, "Shit, missed!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This guy is having an affair with a married woman and her husband comes home early from work one day. She jumps up and tells the man to go into the bathroom to hide. Just as he gets in the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in.

He asks, ''What the hell are you doing?''

Thinking quickly, the wife says, ''Uhm...waiting for you.''

The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, ''But you're naked.''

Again the woman says, ''Yeah... I was waiting for you.''

The husband relaxes and says, ''Hold on, I'm going to jump in the shower. I'll be back in a flash!''

The wife tries to stop him but he just ignores her and rushes for the bathroom. When he opens the bathroom door, there is a naked man jumping around and clapping.

The husband asks,'' What in the hell are you doing?''

He replied, ''I'm the exterminator, and your wife called saying you guys had a problem with moths.''

The husband looks him over and says,''But you're naked.''

The man looks down, jumps in surprise and mutters, ''Them little bastards.''

[†Army_Man†]

rofl those are great, i love the last one! ;D

[comic23]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."