Jokes

[THUNDER-K9]

Warning to all dog owners:
Watch your dog!!


The State Highway Patrol in conjunction with the FBI has issued a warning advising all dog owners to keep their dogs indoors until further notice. Dogs are being picked off one at a time on an almost continual basis throughout the city. They are falling in great numbers. Police in the city advise all dog owners not to walk their dogs - KEEP THEM INDOORS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!!!!!

SCROLL DOWN!
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This is just so funny, I almost lost it.

[comic23]

lmfao thats funny!! ;D

[Matt]

Old picture, but very nice.

[Scorpionz]

slayerman8 said:

these are funny
i like the one with the teacher and the ice cream

Mine of course ;D

And T that picture is really old but i laugh every time i see it ;D Oh and another Joke
>>Pokemon Bomb<<

[Livre]

LMAO thunder dat was sooo funny ;D

And Scorpionz - I've seen that somewhere before but cant think where. Still good though

[Livre]

Here's some more


A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it.

Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well thats great, just great... some assholes got my pen."


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One of the regular golfing foursome was sick, so a new member named George filled in. He was very good and pleasant company so they asked him to join them again the following Sunday. "9.30 okay?"

George said, "Fine, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me."

The following Sunday George showed up right on time. Not only that he played left-handed and beat them.

They agreed to meet the following Sunday at 9.30. George again said, "Okay, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me."

The next Sunday there was George, punctual to the dot. This time he played right-handed and beat them again. "Okay, for 9.30 next Sunday?" one of the foursome asked.
George said, "Sure if I’m ten minutes late…"

Another golfer jumped in. "Wait a minute… You always say you may be ten minutes late. But you’re always right on time and you beat us whether you play right or left handed."

George said, "Well, that’s true – I’m superstitious. If I wake up and my wife is sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed. If she’s sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed."

"What if she’s lying on her back?"

George said, "That’s when I’m ten minutes late!"

[Matt]

Lmfao

[comic23]

lol those were good

[Matt]

Coule of Blonde jokes.

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

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A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

[bullseye]

Seeing as T posted a picture I guess this would kinda work

Just think of a night where you had 4-6 drinks and then you walk into the bathroom.

Note: the floor is just painted

Edit: link doesn't work, ill work on it

[Matt]

bullseye1 said:

Seeing as T posted a picture I guess this would kinda work

Just think of a night where you had 4-6 drinks and then you walk into the bathroom.

Note: the floor is just painted

I think you'll need to save, and upload that image yourself... One more joke for the day, I got thi sin an email a while back, and just got it again.
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A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

[Scorpionz]

ROFLMFAO

Heres Another. "WARNING" Viewer Discretion Advised
Delete The Link If You Want To. ;D

[url=Kool Prank!!

What Do You Think It Is?

Here's A Puzzle for You:

Schwartznegger has a big one,


Michael J. Fox has a small one,


Madonna doesn't have one,


The pope has one but doesn't use it,


Clinton uses his all the time,


what is it?
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A last name.........
Were you thinking of something else?

[comic23]

lol yeah i heard that 1 before but still funny ;D

[Livre]

Just the one this time

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to store all of your hand luggage under your seat. remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

[Matt]

roflmfao *exalt*(when I can again)