Jokes

[comic23]

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

[Scorpionz]

Lol I like that *Exalt* If I can again....

[Matt]

rofl

[Scorpionz]

Ok Heres The deal. Im Taking Over The Position Of TDP's Comedian. Sorry Exe

Here's one, It's Ok...

Memo to all employees:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T)

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S. H. I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T). Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T,you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING,
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).


Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

[Matt]

lol, nice.

[NERO]

A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.

The zookeeper approaches a redneck janitor with a proposition. “Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500?” he asks.

The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: “First, I don’t want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this.” The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.

“Well," says the janitor, “I’m gonna need another week to come up with the $500.”

[Livre]

lmao that was gud!

[Matt]

roflmfao

[Livre]

This ones a bit ewww but its funny

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[Matt]

LMFAO!

[Scorpionz]

Ive Heard a variation of that ;D but its still funny as hell

[comic23]

lmfao that was a good one. ;D

[Matt]

*** WARNING - THIS POST CONTAINS SOME LAME JOKES - WARNING ***[/b]

Q) Why did the Dragon ask the frosty for help?
A) His throat was burning

Q) Why did pinkie get pissed off at RG?
A) His L ward wouldn't stop blocking

Q) Why did T get pissed of at lazarus long?
A) His cleric wouldn't stop blocking.

Q) Why can't my scout hit a pyro?
A) No seriously, why can't my scout hit a pyro?

Q) List 3 reasons why Matt's stats are so low.
A) Diamond made him press F5, Iron's computer was goning to give Matt's a virus if he stayed in the game, and whenever he tryed to cyber with pinkie she scared him off.

Q) List 3 reasons why Pinkie's stats are so high?
A) Diamond told her to press F5, and she said you first, Iron was going to give her computer a virus, but she was going to give HIM a virus, and everytime she tryed to cyber with Matt she scared him off.

Q) Why did it take so long for the cleric to cross the road?
A) 2 turn waiting period after every 3 steps, and an extra 2 after each car hit him.

Q) Why is the L ward so lonely?
A) every unit that gets close to it dies.

*** You were warned. ***[/b]

EDIT:
Q) Why does exe have bad karma?
A) he over-works all his Dark-side minions

Q) why wasn't pinkie chosen for modship?
A) the other applicants cyber better.

Q) Why does T love the the Beast rider so much?
A) everytime he tries to ride his dogs they run out from under him, and he breaks his hip. The BR is the closest he'll get to the real thing.

Q) Why do girls always leave TDPers?
A) We won't do it any way other than doggy style.

Q) Why did T make Matt an admin?
A) He wouldn't stop barking

[Livre]

LMAO. They were so bad they were gud
Loved the one bout the cleric crossing the road

[Matt]

My fav is the blocking cleric one.