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Jokes
Feb 19, 2006 17:02:08 GMT -5
Post by Matt on Feb 19, 2006 17:02:08 GMT -5
Added a couple more.
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Jokes
Feb 19, 2006 18:05:14 GMT -5
Post by Ironhorse on Feb 19, 2006 18:05:14 GMT -5
Exalt for Matt. They were very lame, but they made me laugh!  |
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Jokes
Feb 20, 2006 1:31:07 GMT -5
Post by Scorpionz on Feb 20, 2006 1:31:07 GMT -5
Exe and his dark side minions......hmm I'm Gonna join  if he over works me, im joing lex |
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Jokes
Feb 20, 2006 1:32:54 GMT -5
Post by comic23 on Feb 20, 2006 1:32:54 GMT -5
lmfao i liked them all they were good ;D
i thought this was funny so here it is.
Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.
Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.
They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed
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Jokes
Feb 20, 2006 1:48:21 GMT -5
Post by Scorpionz on Feb 20, 2006 1:48:21 GMT -5
Roflmfao ;D
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Jokes
Feb 20, 2006 12:08:09 GMT -5
Post by Apoc of Spades on Feb 20, 2006 12:08:09 GMT -5
A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..............."
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Jokes
Feb 20, 2006 12:30:05 GMT -5
Post by Matt on Feb 20, 2006 12:30:05 GMT -5
roflmfao, I like that "come agian?" one.
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Jokes
Feb 20, 2006 23:44:50 GMT -5
Post by comic23 on Feb 20, 2006 23:44:50 GMT -5
lmao those r good ive heard them before but still funny ;D
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Jokes
Feb 21, 2006 16:41:31 GMT -5
Post by Livre on Feb 21, 2006 16:41:31 GMT -5
Once there was a little boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to piss.'' The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite. The next Sunday, the little boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom. He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.'' The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.'' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream. Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in." |
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Jokes
Feb 21, 2006 16:51:19 GMT -5
Post by Matt on Feb 21, 2006 16:51:19 GMT -5
LoL, Creepy.
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Jokes
Feb 21, 2006 22:53:00 GMT -5
Post by Exe on Feb 21, 2006 22:53:00 GMT -5
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Jokes
Feb 22, 2006 1:23:17 GMT -5
Post by Scorpionz on Feb 22, 2006 1:23:17 GMT -5
*pretends to look at them* Lmfao Exe  |
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Jokes
Feb 22, 2006 12:04:52 GMT -5
Post by Livre on Feb 22, 2006 12:04:52 GMT -5
LOL!!! ;D
I liked the...um...one...two...three...well lets just say i liked the one about half way down. The last one was very funny
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Jokes
Feb 22, 2006 17:00:50 GMT -5
Post by Apoc of Spades on Feb 22, 2006 17:00:50 GMT -5
i like the last one there exe...
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Jokes
Feb 22, 2006 20:06:51 GMT -5
Post by THUNDER-K9 on Feb 22, 2006 20:06:51 GMT -5
The Guys' Rules !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints DO NOT work!
Strong hints DO NOT work!
Obvious hints DO NOT work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus DID NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing”, we will act like “nothing's wrong’. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, NASCAR, or golf!
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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