Jokes

[Matt]

Theres an accident with a bus full of nuns, they all pass away and find themselves at the pearly gates. Before they can enter their confronted by a man who calms them down and tells them "please sisters, form a line infront of the pearly gates." They then form a line and walk up to him one by one as he talks to each of them about their sins in life.

"Sister maria, in life have you ever touched a penis?", sister maria giggles and responds with "Yes, once with the tip of my finger". "Then please sister maria" says the man "wash your fingertip in the blessed water and continue through to heaven."

Another sister approaches, and the man asks "Sister Ines, have you ever touched a penis?" "yes" she responds "once with my left hand." He then instructs her to wash her left hand in the blessed water and continue on to heaven.

In all the uproar one sister is heard pushing through the nuns to the front of the line and the man asks "Why my daughter do you force your way to the front of the line?" the nun replies "I appologise, but if Im going to wash out my mouth in the blessed water, I'd like to get there before sister Beatriz washes her ass in it."

~ By silverkent

[THUNDER-K9]

Lmao!

[Manolito]

thanks matt for the transcription. great joke silverkent, i just couldn't understand it

[Silverkent]

More jokes, dont know if these are alredy posted, anyway there it goes, (matt be ready to translate).

This is a guy that is talking to hes father:

- Dad i have two things to tell you; 1 bad and 1 good.
- Start with the good one then.
- ok.....Your airbag works perfectly

Another one
This guy comes to home and say to hes wife:
- Honey i have a great problem in the office
- Baby, we are married now, dont say "I" have a problem, say "WE" have a problem
- Ok then.... our secretary its gonna have our baby

[Matt]

lmfao

Don't think I need to translate any of that.

[hoodedh2005]

lol that was a good one

[Manolito]

lol SK... ur the best man!

[THUNDER-K9]

lol

[hoodedh2005]

what do you call a women with 1 leg?

Ileane

What do call a dog with no legs?

nothing..its not gunna come to you.


im soo good

[Doreauxgard]

^ i got tons of those type

What to you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?


Bob


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?


Russel.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on a doorstep?


Matt ;D

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hangin' on a wall?


Art.

last one: What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a mailbox?


Bill.

[jaymee]

Q. What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

[THUNDER-K9]

oh that was bad, but I did like it...

[jaymee]

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many
blackbirds are left?"

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"

The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question.

There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"

The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."

To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"

[Manolito]

i've heard this one before but it still brings a smile to my face when a woman tells the joke =)

[Doreauxgard]

nice