Jokes

[Matt]

Bit of an old joke, was on the movie The Persuit of Happyness and has a great moral to it.

A mans drowning in a large river, all seeming hopeless a large boat comes by and trys to help the guy, but he responds "No thanks, the lord will save me". So the boat leaves, soon after followed by another large boat, the man against insists "No thanks, the lord will save me". The man then dies and finds himself at the pearly gates, he enters and asks god, "Lord, why didn't you save me?" god replied "What do you mean? I sent two big boats."

[Scorpionz]

Yeah, I watched that one on a plane while going through Europe.

It was pretty good.

[booyaka]

One day when a boy went to school the teacher said do u all know your alphabet and he said know so he goes home and asks him mom whos talkin on the phone whats the first letter of the alphabet and she says shut up!!! and he said ok so he goes 2 his sister who listenin 2 the radio and says whats the second letter of the alphabet and she says ya baby ya bay ya baby ya and he says ok so he goes 2 his brother whos watchin batman and says whats the third letter of the alphabet and he says batman budda duda duda duda duda batman and he said ok so he goes 2 his dad whos takin out the trash and asks whats the 4th letter of the alphabet and he says trash trash nuttin but trash and the boy says ok so he goes 2 school the next day and the teacher asks whats the first letter of the alphabet and the boy says shutup!!!!! and she says do u want 2 go 2 the principles office?and the boy says ya baby ya baby ya baby ya so he goes 2 the principles office and the principle asks who do u think u r and the boy says batman budda budda budda budda batman and the principle says who do u think i am trash trash nuttin but trash!

[Manolito]

that's an old Filipino joke...

[Matt]

Its also an old english joke, though I think its usualy worded a little diffrently.

[Manolito]

I heard that joke a loooooong time ago, and I still remember how it went. When we told it in the Philippines, it wasn't the alphabet he asked for. It was advices that his family gave to him on the first day of school, but instead of giving him that advice, the family members were doing something else and responded based on whatever it was they were doing.

[Scorpionz]

Dude, Just because you heard it there, doesn't mean it was made there.

Hell.

I heard it in Australia!

It's an Australian joke!

[Silverkent]

Here i go.. ill try to tell it as good as my english can.

So there was this guy in a bar with a friend talking: bro i dont know whats going on with my sex life, me and my wife dont have that sparkle anymore, that something that makes us do it all nite long.

So the friend say: dude, do what i did, i was doin it with my wife and i pull out a gun a shoot one in the air, she got so turned on, and we make a great sex that nite, heres the revolver bro, use it.

2 days after....

Dude how was it? oh man..... worst nite of my life, we were doing the 69.. and as u told me i took out the gun and shoot one in the air, my wife shit on my face, chew one of my balls, and a guy came out of the closet saying IM SORRY IM SORRY!!!!!

hope is good in english as it is on spanish

[Matt]

Lmao.

[Manolito]

ahahahaha.. literally LMFAO!

[*HoodedH*]

An irish man walks past a shop and sees two notices in the window:

Pies- 50p

wanks- 10p

so he walks in the shop and asks the woman behind the counter if shes the one that gives wanks and she replies yes. The irish man says wash your [F BOMB ALERT]ing hands i wanna pie.

[Matt]

Lmao

[NERO]

What do you get when you cross an agnostic with a dyslexic? Someone who lies awake all night wondering if there's a dog.

[Scorpionz]

lawl

[loopget]

Allright i gotta couple


A 6 year old and a 4 year old are up in the 6 year olds bedroom.
the 6 year old says, "I think its time we started swearing". The 4 year old nods in agreement. so the 6 year old says "Okay, so when we go down for breakfast today, you say ass, and ill say hell," The 4 year old yet agains nods in agreement

So they go downstairs and the mother asks the 6 year old "What would you like for breakfast?" And the 6 year old replys "Ahh the hell with it cheerio's" So the mother spanked him so hard he couldnt sit down for a week

The mother turns to the 4 year old and asks sternly "And what would you like for breakfast?" and the 4 year old reply's "I dont know but you can bet your fat ass it wont be cheerio's!"
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So theirs 2 leprachauns and they walk up to a nun colony

The first leprachaun says "Excuse me miss, are their any nuns my size in this colony?

The Nun Reply's "No"

The leprachaun says "Are there any nuns my size in this country?"

The Nun Reply's "No"

The leprachaun nervously asks "Are there any nuns my size in the whole world?!"

The Nun Reply's "No"

The 2nd leprachaun bursts out laughing and says "HA! I TOLD YOU!!!! IT WAS A PENGUIN!"
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Q:Why dont woman wear watches?
A:Theirs a clock on the stove